About Me

I'm a 36 year old happily married SAHM, college student. I have 3 beautiful little terrors who drive me insane by being so much like me. I am fighting the good fight against a rare auto immune disease called Mixed Connective Tissue Disease.

Monday, July 9, 2012

So sorry I've been gone.

We are in the midst of moving. Last night I finally got to sleep on an actual bed. J and I had been sleeping on an air mattress at the new house. Talk about killing my back.
Today I woke and could barely open my hands. My fingers were curled in and in an immense amount of pain. My pain pills aren't touching it. How can I be typing this then?? My love and best friend, my iPhone. Lol. I don't have to bend my fingers. I can type using just one finger. Thank heavens!!
Yesterday while getting ready for the day I noticed I had a huge knot under my arm. It is about an inch long and half an inch wide. It hurts like crazy. It did somewhat drain. Then I woke up today to find two more had developed. I'm sure you might be saying eww gross. And I'm sorry for that but this is part of my life with MCTD.
My life is full of pains, rashes, sores, flare ups, pills, Dr. visits, and depression. I have my ups and downs. I ride a huge roller coaster (but don't we all). As much as I hurt and at times suffer, I know others are more in worse shape than me. 


Saturday, June 30, 2012

Giving is so much better than receiving :)

Odd title I know but it goes with what I have to say this morning lol. Right now I'm sure you have heard of all the fires that are taking homes,our woods, and many peoples everything. It's horrifying to think so many people are now misplaced. Surely they are scared and feel lost and maybe a little unsure of everything. This afternoon I drove an hour to drop off donations to the Utah fire victims.
Why?? Because I would hope that someone would help me if I ever find myself in that predicament.
I am always preaching paying it forward. But honestly this is something I try to live by. I may not have a huge house to live in, a ton of money at my disposal, a fancy car to drive; but I have everything that truly makes me rich in ways that money never can. I have a truly amazing man who happens to be both my husband and best friend, I have 3 beautiful, intelligent, compassionate, giving children. I am still able to walk, talk, and hold my family in my arms. While may be in pain often, I can still feel! I have doctors who listen to me. My life could be so much worse. I feel very blessed. So if I can do anything to restore that sense of being blessed in one person, it was all worth while.
You never know when the simplistic of things such as a smile can totally turn around someone's whole day. So tomorrow when you are out in about open the door for a stranger, smile and say hello to someone you walk by. Give a piece of you. Much love


Friday, June 29, 2012

Teenage Drama Already!?!?

Sorry I haven't posted recently. My hands have been hurting so I haven't been doing much of nothing.

As for today's title. As I've told y'all Z is a preteen. She's 10. I will admit I'm pretty strict with Z, not as strict as I had it growing up. But enough that I allow her to be a child and I am certain of her safety. Now with that being said I decided to give her a little bit of leeway. Her best friend Sidney is moving away and they only have a little bit of time together. So when Sid asked if Z could go to the outdoor pool with Sid I agreed. Sid's mom picked Z up and took the girls there. I was to pick them at 5. Like any good parent I was there 10 minutes early. The lifeguards were already starting to cover the pool so I figured the girls would be out from the changing area soon. WRONG!! And this is where the teenage drama starts. The girls had decided they wanted a snack so they left the pool 2 - 2 1/2 hours early. They didn't bother to use Z's phone to call for permission (isn't that one of the reasons she wanted a phone). After finishing their snacks the proceeded to walk down town. As I've already said we live in a small town, but we have tourists through town all summer, so my fear and anxiety were starting to raise. I ran down to Sid's house to see if by chance her mom had picked them up early and had forgot about calling me. NOPE! No girls there. Just a very upset six month pregnant mom. We both hit the streets looking for the girls. My phone calls and text messages were goin unanswered, even declined. As a parent you know how many rings before your child's voice mail kicks in, it's just a parent thing I guess.
Thankfully Sidney's mom found them! Where you might ask? JC Penney's. They decided to stop in and try on clothes!!! Needless to say Z is now grounded until well I haven't decided when. No phone, no social life. And when I finally decide she can have a social life again I will be present until she has finally earned my trust back.

The moving is coming along slowly. I have been waking up in pain more often then not. My pain pills seem to work for a couple hours and then taper off early. While I'm not hurting as often as I was, I'm still hurting.
My first lupus butterfly rash has finally gone. The shingles is gone!! Now if only the pain was completely gone. I know if I stress that it'll get worse and I'll end up having a flare up. But I have a ton of stress right now.
As I've told you we are getting ready to move. Well money is super tight. We had enough to make our down payment and that was it. Then out of the blue another bill popped up. Now we are trying to figure out how to come up with money.
Yesterday was J's birthday and we couldn't afford to buy gifts. Mind you he don't mind but all of this is making him feel really low about himself. 😞 I hate it!!! He busts his ass off to give us everything and yet feels like a failure. I wish he could see himself through my eyes.
He worries about how sick I am. Try to convince him that I'm okay. Or that I'm having a good day. He worries about me too much. He's put in at a couple different companies. Keep your fingers crossed that he will get one of the positions.

Well I guess I best go seeing as how it's going on 2 am


Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Good afternoon people!

Well I guess for some of you it would be afternoon. I woke up today in pain (nothing new there). Took my pills and am about to start my day. I have errands to run. Don't feel like doing them, nothing new there. We are in the midst of packing to move. Which sucks when your energy level is at null. All 3 kids are home :)
Z, my daughter, woke up with serious attitude problems. I know this is normal for the age but sometimes I wish I could go off in her. I'm not one of those parents who don't discipline their child and then wonder why they don't respect me. So when she starts flipping major disrespect t not only me but her little brothers I'm at a loss. She has always been taught to show respect. I was awoken this morning by a shrill voice yelling "I told you to sit the frick down, young man!" some may wonder why this bothers me. Well we don't allow our kids to say "frick". It's way to close to a 4 lettered F word. It also is way disrespectful in my eyes. After talking to Z to see why she felt the need to talk like that I was left in total bewilderment. Z thinks its okay to talk like that. She doesn't hear me talk like that. I won't say I don't cuss but it is not an everyday occasion. My mom always said if you have to cuss in very sentence then you need to learn English again.
Anyways, I'm still stuck on how to get Z to understand how she sounds to the rest of the world using words like that. Thinking maybe I need to record her and have her listen to it.
Any suggestions?

Until next time!

Hi, I'm Every Girl

Well as the title says Just A Girl. I have hopes, dreams, a present, future, and of course a past.
So let me tell you some about me. I'm 34 (ugh just recently hit that number) but mentally I'm still in my 20s for the most part. I'm happily married to ( and I know this is cliche) my best friend. We have 3 wonderful, amazing, hair pulling, trouble making, normal kids. One girl ( preteen) and two boys ( 5 & 3). We live in a small town.
I have 2 sisters ( one older, one younger) and 1 brother. My oldest sister wasn't raised with us, so while we love each other we aren't very close. My parents are still married ( their second marriage to each other).
So while all that seems normal and to look at me I'm normal. I'm unfortunately not like every girl. While I have almost everything in common with other girls, I have something they don't. I have mixed connective tissue disease. Yay me! NOT!!
To sum up MCTD easily my body is attacking itself from within. There is no cure. All my Dr. can do is try and help me prevent further damage to my body, keep me from being in pain, and try to help me keep my sanity. To look at me I look healthy. Yet what healthy person do you know that takes over 16 pills a day?? MCTD is rare. Not much is known other than it is painful and debilitating. I was diagnosed a year ago this month. But you'll hear enough about MCTD as my blog goes on lol.
So what's the reason for this blog?? Why am I wanting to put all this out there?? At times I need to vent, others I need to cry. I guess I just need to know that someone hears me.
Well I guess that's about it for tonight. I think I'm finally starting to get sleepy ( I have wicked insomnia) so night or now and I'll be around soon. Probably more often then you want to read.