Another Week, Another Struggle

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I know it's been a week since I last wrote since then I have been in the emergency room. Last Friday I had been having pain that I was able to bear, come early Saturday morning (3 a.m) it had gotten intolerable and my DH rushed me to the ER. Come to find out I had a severe inner ear infection. Today is my last day of antibiotics but I'm not sure they are working. I am still having to use the numbing drops several times a day. 

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Some of the symptoms of an inner ear infection are the same symptoms of MCTD, so I was writing my complete and utter fatigue off on my MCTD. I was barely able to keep my eyes open. The headaches I wrote off until I realized that the last time I had headaches every day I had an ear infection (just last year). So I had planned on getting in to the Dr. to have it checked out but with the pain I could no longer wait. 

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Monday was the first day of Spring semester and today my books should be in. I'm ready and excited to have yet another semester done. I am taking 2 classes again this semester. I"m hoping next year to be able to take more than just the two classes I've been taking.  I love to learn so taking classes keeps my mind working and makes me feel good about myself.

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Later this week I will be posting my review of Rellik by Teresa Mummert and Southern Perfection by Casey Peeler. I also have a couple more books that I finished reading that I need to review. I love ♥ love ♥ love to read. I am just starting to review books though so my way of reviewing may not be as grand and flawless as other pages but hey what do I care. You will always get an honest review. And that is truly what it is about. 

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Well I am off to start my day. Ear drops, finish my OCDing of my books (yes I am still doing that but I am almost done). What can I say over 1300 books on just my laptop and updating metadata tags is a hard thing to do. Can't wait to get my kindle so that I can get all my book on one device instead of being so spread out over 4.  And then tonight I have an online lecture for one of my classes. 

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Much love ♥ JAG

FITYMI

I'm sure you're wondering WTH does FITYMI stand for. It is my motto lol. Fake it till you make it. Since this is how I survive most days by getting up and pushing through a day even though I don't feel as though I should be moving. And today is a prime example of it. I am sitting out in the living room, being OCD over my ebook collection (ie updating the metadata lol) covered up under my favorite blankie and watching Ghost Asylum. 

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I know that I don't have the stamina or the muscle coordination to do much today so I'm taking it easy. Thankfully the house is pretty well clean. So I can just enjoy my relaxing day. I did what little I had to do like order my text books this upcoming semester. 

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I am a total dork when it comes to my books and I know this. Can't help and personally don't want to. When I get bored I always go OCD on my iTunes and my Calibre. Making sure everything is absolutely correct and trying to get a list of books that I may be missing in a series. 

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So Far I am feeling okay today, kinda wonky but okay none the less. I can't really describe the feeling. Sometimes when I've been battling a cold (which I have been for the past 2 months) as my body finally starts to get over it I fall into a period of where I fall asleep at anytime and at any place. I'm at that point. My exhaustion is just overwhelming. This also happens when I am flaring. 

Right now I'm not really in a flare. My swelling is at a normal level for me. Every one in my family is use to me falling asleep at weird times. While most people who get a cold have a great immune system to fight off a simple cold for someone like me, with MCTD or another auto immune disease, it's a bad thing for our body to start creating antibodies. Our antibodies attack our bodies instead of the illness. Which makes us even more ill. 

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I did read an amazing book a couple days ago. Rellik by Teresa Mummert. Maybe later tonight I'll come back and write my review on it. It is a new release and I could NOT put it down!!

But alas, it's almost time to go pick up the monkeys from school so I best cut off here. 

XOXOX

♥ JAG

A New Year.....

The holidays are finally over and a new year has begun. Thank heavens in some ways and in others it's just another day of another year. I never have really done the whole resolution "gimmick". I have always believed if I wanted something to change that I didn't need a certain day for me to start the change. I do, however, have some goals for myself for this year. I hope that I fulfill them but I also refuse to let not reaching them beat me down.

1. Work on my self-esteem.

Having MCTD really works on your self esteem. You go from being a very active person to someone who needs help getting out of bed most days. Even someone with the highest of esteems would have a major depression after dealing with MCTD for so long. 

I'm a mom. My main job is care giver and yet my 13 yr old DD is more of a care giver than I am. All 3 of my kids know how to help me stand since my leg muscles don't always work properly. I'm very lucky that all 3 of my kids are kind and caring people. They try to help me out as much as they can. 

My DH works a full day and then comes home to clean whatever I can't do and then he cooks and cleans up the kitchen. He never complains. Never treats me like I'm a burden. So I'm sure you can only imagine how that makes a girl feel.

2. Being more active..

With my muscles locking up on me more and more I need to start getting them more active. I stretch twice a day but it isn't working. So I'm wanting to try Yoga. So here is to hoping that it will do me some good.

3. Reading more. 

I love to read and am on a couple street teams for authors. I am thinking of doing some reviews for this blog. Who knows. (back to the self esteem issue lol). I'm making a goal of reading 200 books this year. So I'm excited to get that done. I'm already at 12. I think if I do reviews on here at least then I can keep up to count on how many I've read. lol. Not that anyone reads my blog and it will help but it will be counting system. 

4. Blog more.

I don't need people to read this, but I can't write in my journals anymore. My arthritis and muscles make it almost impossible to write the old fashioned way for more than a couple minutes. I'm hoping to use this blog as I intended it. To help me document my disease, and just get things out. This will also help me fight back on the depression that hits often. I won't be promising to blog every day, hopefully I will be blogging at least a couple days a week.

 I can't write on other social medias, not the way I truly feel. I know that everyone rants and raves on Facebook but I can't, not because I'm scared but more because I hate to sound like I'm whining or want pity. At least right here I am just me. No one knows who I am. 

Well that's all from me today. :) I need to get some sleep. The kids will be up soon They get to start back to school tomorrow. YAY!! And my college classes start soon too. So Night Dolls!!

XOXOX
<3   JAG

Fake it Until You Make it.

So today my motto of the day was "Fake it till you make it." I have been feeling horrible lately. So I got up, got dressed, and started faking it. Got the house cleaned, heck I even got JR an G's room cleaned! That was a miracle happening .......ahhhhhhhhhhh......do you hear the angels singing lol.

I think I may have overdone it a little, I ended up having to take a muscle relaxer.  And now I'm waiting for it to kick in.

So much has happened since I started and forgot about this blog. Now I'm just wondering if I should catch ya up....lol..like anyone actually reads this blog. So I'll probably just start from scratch :)  I know that the blog itself needs a new look. Just not sure what look to go for.

Wow!! my medicine is hitting fast tonight so I'm gonna go.

XoXoX

JAG

WOW!

So I started this blog years ago. Hoping that it would help me get out  a lot of what I felt and help me deal with my diagnosis of MCTD. Well I never was able to keep up with it because life hit me like a ton of bricks shortly after starting it. We had our house broken into, robbed, and set on fire. My MCTD had me flaring so badly for the past 3 years. While taking oral Chemo I was constantly nauseous. Until I finally couldn't take it anymore and went off my medicine. I did go back on it, doing shots of chemo instead of the oral. That seemed to work better.

J and I moved our family to OK. And since the move I hate to admit it but I have been on a medication "holiday" as my last Dr would call it. Lord I miss her. I need to get back in to the doctor and get back on my medication. I will try to update the look of this blog and the actual blog in the next couple days. Maybe that will bring my creativity back. I will also try to do a short "story" of the ups and downs of the last 3 years.

As always,

JAG

So sorry I've been gone.

We are in the midst of moving. Last night I finally got to sleep on an actual bed. J and I had been sleeping on an air mattress at the new house. Talk about killing my back.

Today I woke and could barely open my hands. My fingers were curled in and in an immense amount of pain. My pain pills aren't touching it. How can I be typing this then?? My love and best friend, my iPhone. Lol. I don't have to bend my fingers. I can type using just one finger. Thank heavens!!

Yesterday while getting ready for the day I noticed I had a huge knot under my arm. It is about an inch long and half an inch wide. It hurts like crazy. It did somewhat drain. Then I woke up today to find two more had developed. I'm sure you might be saying eww gross. And I'm sorry for that but this is part of my life with MCTD.

My life is full of pains, rashes, sores, flare ups, pills, Dr. visits, and depression. I have my ups and downs. I ride a huge roller coaster (but don't we all). As much as I hurt and at times suffer, I know others are more in worse shape than me. 

XoXoX

JAG

Giving is so much better than receiving :)

Odd title I know but it goes with what I have to say this morning lol. Right now I'm sure you have heard of all the fires that are taking homes,our woods, and many peoples everything. It's horrifying to think so many people are now misplaced. Surely they are scared and feel lost and maybe a little unsure of everything. This afternoon I drove an hour to drop off donations to the Utah fire victims.

Why?? Because I would hope that someone would help me if I ever find myself in that predicament.

I am always preaching paying it forward. But honestly this is something I try to live by. I may not have a huge house to live in, a ton of money at my disposal, a fancy car to drive; but I have everything that truly makes me rich in ways that money never can. I have a truly amazing man who happens to be both my husband and best friend, I have 3 beautiful, intelligent, compassionate, giving children. I am still able to walk, talk, and hold my family in my arms. While may be in pain often, I can still feel! I have doctors who listen to me. My life could be so much worse. I feel very blessed. So if I can do anything to restore that sense of being blessed in one person, it was all worth while.

You never know when the simplistic of things such as a smile can totally turn around someone's whole day. So tomorrow when you are out in about open the door for a stranger, smile and say hello to someone you walk by. Give a piece of you. Much love

Xoxox

JAG